i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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