when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
