"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
