my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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