There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
