i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
