I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
