JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
