Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
