there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
