a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
