I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Enjoy the penises
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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