Just fell off a train. Bad.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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