After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
