Moan for me like Helen Keller
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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