Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
