Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I need moral support for this bender
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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