I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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