I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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