i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
