He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
