I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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