She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize