he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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