Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
