Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
