My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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