Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
