Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
