Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize