i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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