i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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