at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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