Kiss
Puke
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize