After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
