after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
