Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
