Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she peed on how many people?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize