I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
