there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
