I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
