if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
