If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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