So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
