oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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