Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
