I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
