I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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