My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
