Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
