don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
