i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
