he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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