i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
