Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
