Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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