You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
