Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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