So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
