you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
