My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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