If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
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