I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
