Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
