I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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