we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
