i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
