Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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