im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
