You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
