I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
