Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize